Q&A: How Do I Get My Son To Eat Healthy Food?

Q: My son is a very fussy eater. He only has a small list of things he will eat and it is almost all junk or carbs. Why can’t I get him to eat healthy food?

Dad of son aged 2-5

A:

Selective eating is very, very common amongst autistic people. For some it will be a shortlist of safe foods. Others will have specific preferences for particular brands or types of food even if the overall range is broad. For some it will mean eating the same things every day. Sometimes the same meal for every meal, every day. Sometimes the same individual thing for every meal, every day, such as plain pasta.

There are a number of reasons why eating can be a complex issue for autistic people. The frequently selective nature of autistic eating, and the preference for “bad” foods including high-GI, high fat, and high sugar options, are all different reasons again.

The selective nature is often down to trust, and the latter is all about a neurodivergent person’s best friend: dopamine!

Eating is Complicated

When it comes to neurodivergence, the act of eating ticks many boxes in the list of things we find hard. There are many reasons why eating can be complicated for neurodivergent people, including:

• Social pressure – associating sitting down with the family to eat with navigating conversations, table manners, and other social expectations.
• Motor issues – chewing, swallowing, and using utensils, can all be taken for granted by people who have never found these things difficult. For a number of neurodivergent people these things are intimidating, difficult, or even painful.
• Sensory concerns – neurodivergent people may be distracted, or even actively repelled, by the discomfort of sitting in a chair, the texture/smell/appearance of certain foods even on someone else’s plate, or misophonia caused by chewing or cutlery on the plate, among other sensory inputs.
• Executive dysfunction – the act of eating, choosing which item to eat first, whether to eat things separately or together, deciding in the first place what to have, all require a level of executive function not always attainable by neurodivergent people.

Trust

Autism is increasingly perceived as a “disability of trust”. Whether this distrust is of self or the surrounding world, the majority of challenges faced by autistic people correlate with a lack of trust.

While there is still an initial hurdle of trying new foods, it is finding foods that your child trusts that is the key to success. Sometimes this is down to a trust in the person making the food (eg, Grandma’s cheese sandwiches taste and feel good, and they like the plate Grandma served the sandwich on, but that does not mean they will even try a cheese sandwich made at a cafe), and other times this is due to a trust in the food itself.

This is why chips, biscuits, and cereals, are often a common safe food. They are the same every time.

A sandwich made by someone else might not taste the same as the one they enjoyed. This challenges their ability to trust.

An apple? It might be sweet, or sour. There could be a bruise in there. The flesh might be firm and crisp, or floury and soft. There are a lot of unknown variables before you even take a bite. Not only does this challenge the notion of trust, but completely destroys it.

It is also the reason that many autistic kids are fans of chicken nuggets from the freezer aisle: they are the same every time. And even more so food like nuggets and chips from franchised takeaways; they are exactly the same, even down to the length of time they are cooked. They are predictable, familiar, and very, very low risk.

Dopamine

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter – a chemical messenger in the brain – that affects many aspects of your body, including both physical/physiological responses, and emotional/behavioural responses. It plays a significant role in our thinking and planning skills, including focus and being interested in things.

One of the key things dopamine is responsible for is pleasure.

A rush of dopamine – or a “dopamine hit” – makes us feel good.

While many things that cause these surges are either inappropriate or not relevant to children (gambling, sex, illegal drugs, etc), things that your child may associate with that happy buzz include sugar, carbs, deep-fried foods, sensory input including stimming, gaming, TV, and buying things. The unfortunate thing about these dopamine surges is that they are just that: a surge. Just as quickly the buzz will fade and the crash might feel worse than they did pre-rush.

Neurodivergent people, particularly those with ADHD, are frequently naturally low in dopamine compared to neurotypical people. It’s one reason suggested for stimming, hyperactive movement, and sensory seeking behaviours.

So when your child wants chips and nuggets for the fourth time in as many days, it might be because they know precisely how happy it’ll make them feel when they eat them.

How Can I Help?

Just as you want your child to trust more foods and food providers, your child wants you to trust them. They are doing the best they can in that moment with the tools they have. Sometimes having a tiny nibble of something new is a massive achievement. Sometimes eating anything is a huge achievement. Know that they are not being manipulative, or lazy, or purposely difficult.

When it comes to dopamine deficits, there is some indication that increasing baseline dopamine reduces the craving for surges. This may be achieved by:

• A high protein diet (which is why a number of neurodivergent kids are meat-lovers)
• Attempting to reduce saturated fats. While eating them can cause dopamine surges, overall their intake may actually reduce dopamine base levels.
• Regular exercise
• Sunshine
• Probiotics
• Listening to music, dancing, playing, laughing, and other naturally happiness inducing activities

There are two other hugely beneficial contributors towards dopamine, however both are notorious for being difficult for many neurodivergent people:

Sleep and meditation are both excellent are increasing a person’s overall dopamine levels. Many neurodivergent people struggle with achieving long periods of deep sleep, for many reasons, though. So make your goal to ensure your child is getting the best, and most, sleep they are able to.

Similarly, meditation can be incredibly frustrating for some neurodivergent people (particularly those with ADHD). However the impact of rest and meditation on dopamine is wonderful. If you feel your child would connect with meditation, there are a number of guided meditations specifically for children available online for them to follow.

Keep Trying

When it comes to encouraging new foods, keep offering. Make sure they’re visible (put some on your child’s plate, or sit with your child while you’re eating some if it’s not distressing for them). Reminisce about improvements.

Phrases like, “You don’t know you don’t like it, because you haven’t tried it yet” or bribery such as “If you eat the carrot I’ll let you have chocolate” are not ideal. But a “I was just thinking about how much you hated all green things when you were 3, and how much you love beans now…” might function as a positive reminder that what they eat now is not all they’ve ever eaten, and probably not all they’ll ever eat.