Q&A: Can I Dress My Child in a Puzzle Piece Autism T-Shirt?

Q:

I bought my son an autism shirt with a puzzle piece on it but his OT said I might want to rethink it. Is that because of wearing an autism shirt or because of the puzzle piece? she mentioned that bit specifically.

Mum of Boy aged under 5

A:

When it comes to receiving any comment like this, there is always room to ask the person who said it. Admittedly, some might then get a little ranty, but at least you will understand their meaning.

I can guess what your OT was getting at though.

As you suggested, there are two elements to this: visibly labelling your child as autistic, and the use of the puzzle piece.

Labelling Your Child – Literally

Self-advocacy is a very powerful thing. As an autistic adult, I’m very confident flagging myself as autistic when useful (letting my new dentist know before a check up that I have sensory aversions, for example) or relevant (when doing my job, helping parents understand their autistic children, so they know I’m speaking from a place of empathy rather than just from academics).

I encourage my autistic child to tell people she’s autistic when she feels it would help for them to know. When she was 6, she told a teacher who didn’t know her well something along the lines of, “I’m finding it hard to understand this (maths). I’m autistic so sometimes my brain learns things differently. Is there a different way you could explain it?”. And there was, and the teacher did, and my fabulous kiddo got it immediately. The teacher told me at pick up how impressed she was to meet a self-advocating 6 year old. Yet another proud Mum moment!

However, if your child is young, doesn’t understand what it means to be autistic, or you haven’t even explained it to them yet, putting them in a shirt that says they’re autistic could be perceived as either a “warning” for others (which autistic people absolutely do not need to do) or a way of you displaying that you have an autistic child. While you might feel you want to do this for wholesome reasons such as pride, or advocacy, it can easily be misconstrued as redirecting the attention to yourself. It’s the same reason many of us feel uncomfortable – to put it politely – with the whole “Autism Mom” labelling fad.

My daughter owns a Yellow Ladybugs tshirt that she wears with great delight. However, it requires you to know what Yellow Ladybugs are in order to identify that it implies she’s autistic, which means she’s probably only being flagged to peers or allies anyway. We both own badges from the divine Lil Penguin Studios that say “Wonderfully Autistic”. We tend to only wear these in relevant situations (where she might need additional support such as sensory room access, etc).

As she’s a bit older than your child and aware of being autistic, I would allow her to wear it any time. Just as she takes a weighted toy some days, or wears a chewy necklace, or uses ear defenders in class sometimes. It is for her to choose what accommodations she wants or needs. She is aware that some people are judgemental and don’t get it, but – whether it’s about autism, her fashion sense, or her lunchbox preferences – she Does. Not. Care. Her autonomy is paramount to others’ opinions.

If your son expresses that he wants to wear a shirt that flags him as autistic, I’d let him provided you’re confident that he understands the ramifications to some (child-appropriate) degree. But if you’re choosing, it’s worth taking a moment to assess why you want him to wear it.

The Puzzle Piece

And now, the puzzle piece.

Oh, the puzzle piece.

Much like self-advocacy, and wearing badges or tshirts as above, I feel that if an autistic adult or older child understands the history of this icon, and chooses to use it for their own meaning or to reclaim the image, then they should not be judged for this choice.

However, the puzzle piece image in reference to autism is largely problematic and controversial.

Without going into the detailed history (which you can find with a quick Google), there are two primary issues:

The first is that it is known to represent that autistic people are either missing something, or are some sort of enigma that needs solving.

No. Just no.

Neurodivergent people are different in some ways to neurotypicals; but we’re not a mystery for them to figure out. And when there are aspects of neurodivergence that require greater understanding, we – and genuine allies – are doing a fine job of sorting that out ourselves, thanks very much. Neurodivergent people do not need branding as needing solving, or fixing, or putting back together. And the fact we are not the same as neurotypical people is certainly not because we’re missing a piece.

The second concern regarding the puzzle piece is the American organisation who are most associated with it. They are known within the neurodivergent community as believing that people “have autism” (opposed to “are autistic” – and yes, there is a significant difference), that the goal is to “cure” autism, and that practises such as Applied Behavioural Analysis (ABA) are beneficial, if not crucial, for autistic people. At best, ABA teaches neurodivergent people to behave in neurotypical ways, which many of us believe is traumatic. At worst, it traumatises, bullies, and forces them to try to do this. A psychologist purposefully disorganising a set of toys that they have watched an autistic child carefully categorise and line up, then effectively punishing the child for expressing distress over this, is fairly standard ABA. Nice, eh?

It is for these reasons that many neuroaffirming neurodivergent people wish to distance themselves from the puzzle piece symbol. And why some express disdain for those who don’t. Especially neurotypical people using it to represent their neurodivergent children.

To Shirt or Not

If anything above resonates with you, there is no need to feel guilty for past choices. No-one knows everything, and the fact you have listened and been prompted to think shows you’re doing a great job.

Whether you agree with their concerns now, is up to you.