Quirky Infinity logo Empowering neurodivergent people through understanding and conversation

More Than Quirky

Empowering neurodivergent people through understanding and conversation

More Than Quirky logo with Infinity symbol blending with the Q

Quirky Infinity logo Empowering neurodivergent people through understanding and conversation

A drawing of arms holding signs saying “hello” in different languages

The Cultural Approach to Autism

In many ways, autism can be perceived as a culture. Autistic people are often able to communicate well with other autistic people, whatever their differing traits, even if not having the same fluent connection with neurotypical people. They often appreciate engaging in and with an autistic community, and socialising with people of the same or a similar neurotype. The most beneficial “therapies” enable autistic people autistic people to understand the perspectives of allistic peers, and to be able to communicate their own needs and feelings in a way that can be understood, rather than encouraging/forcing autistic people to pretend to be allistic. However, when a child is confirmed as autistic by a medical professional, the approach is like the old-school ideas around adoption – that the child’s authentic culture is irrelevant, and conformity is key. When we already know how important, and possible, it is to acknowledge both cultures in a family included adopted members, why aren’t parents encouraged to do the same for their autistic children?

Adoption as an Analogy

Until relatively recently, internationally adopted children were raised to conform to their adoptive family’s culture, whatever the ethnicity. As we became more aware of the negative psychological effects adoption was having on many adoptees, people realised that this approach was traumatic.

An adopted child’s sense of “personal identity” is seen as key to positive psychosocial development and mental health. Knowing that they are authentically themselves, independent of who chose to adopt them. Recognising the culture of their ethnicity, celebrating who they are and their own personal origin.

For parents who choose to adopt, they now recognise that their child is still their own person. They are not a child-shaped piece of plasticine to be modelled into what they want a child to be. Nor do they exist to fill a specific idea of what they wanted in a child, or felt was missing from their family. Adoption screening processes now focus more heavily on the suitability of the parents to provide security, accommodations, support, and emotional wellbeing.

So why when parents have their own children, and these children aren’t what the parents were planning for, are they not encouraged to take the same approach? Why are parents so frequently fed information that focused on the medical model of disability, rather than an approach that encourages to acknowledge and embrace any cultural differences between them and their child?1

Disability as a Culture

Considering autism as a culture is not as out there as it sounds. Deaf (particularly Deaf – “big D deaf” – and profoundly deaf) people have formed communities for thousands of years, with evidence of sign language and deaf social groups noted in both Ancient Egypt and Ancient Greece. Deaf culture has its own values, norms, language, behaviours, and even often literary and artistic preferences, separate to the cultural aspects of their hearing peers. Many people within the Deaf community thrive in both Deaf and hearing cultures, utilising the ideal communication and skills depending on their audience, and frequently bridging the divide between the two for others. Some people in the Deaf community perceive themselves as having a disability, and others do not.

Recognising a difference or disability as a culture allows for people within this culture to find solidarity with people who appreciate things in a similar way as them, and experience similar hardships in mainstream society. It normalises their experience, and validates the feelings – both positive and negative – they have about this experience.

Embracing Cultural Differences

Acknowledging and integrating differences does not mean sacrificing your own. Nor does it necessarily mean compromising and coming up with a blended approach, or taking turns. 

If one person only liked wearing red shirts, and another only liked wearing blue shirts, it wouldn’t mean they both had to take turns wearing red and blue so they always wore the same colour. And it would be ridiculous to suggest they both just wear purple all the time, when neither of them would be happy then.

Obviously sometimes this can’t work. If your autistic child finds loud noises overstimulating, and you love listening to music at full volume, there needs to be a compromise. Perhaps you can wear headphones (side note: I love wearing bone conduction headphones, as it means I can feel safe knowing I can hear what’s going on around me and be attentive to my kids, but also listen to my tunes.) to listen to music. Maybe your child can wear ear defenders when you have music on. Does music at a moderate level still meet your needs without overwhelming them? Or perhaps you save the music for when they’re at school. Nowhere in this is there a suggestion of your child learning to mask their discomfort, or you never listening to music.

But if your child likes their food chopped into small pieces so they can eat with a spoon, why can’t this be accommodated?

If your child shows their appreciation for your cooking by waving their arms and clapping, and this communication is understood, why force them to use words as well? Sure, if you’re visiting friends and they serve up a delicious meal, they might not understand what this means; but where is the harm in telling them at the time, and being your child’s interpreter? Or asking your child if they can tell your friend what it means when they do that?

If a child prefers to line up their toy cars in size order, rather than drive them around on a mat, why is this something many parents are less willing to approve of, let alone join in on? Grab a car, and see if you can figure out where it belongs!

Outside Assistance

Again taking adoption as an analogy, white Australian parents adopting a Black child from South Africa, could not possibly appreciate their full cultural history, the different physical requirements such as hair care, or empathise with their experience as a Black person in Australian society. As such, they would be connected with Black South African people or community groups, to allow their child to be supported and informed by people who empathise and have genuine knowledge in the area.

Similarly, if your child is confirmed as autistic, and you identify as allistic, you don’t have to rely on medical professionals for information (please don’t!), or do all the work yourself figuring out which Google results are correct, neuroaffirming, and recent!

Connect with, and listen to, Autistic voices over allistic “experts”. Even better if they’re both Autistic and well-informed in the field. More Than Quirky is a neuroaffirming neurodivergent resource.

Below are some Australian Instagram accounts More Than Quirky recommends you use to help you understand your autistic child’s culture:

The Multicultural Approach 

Just as an English-speaking white Australian family who adopts a Mandarin-speaking child from China would not suddenly stop speaking English or eating Western food, no one is expecting you to embrace and adopt all of your autistic child’s preferences and traits.

A multicultural approach allows you to appreciate and understand your child’s differences, without feeling a need to amend them unless they are detrimental to your child’s health or safety. It gives you the confidence to accommodate their differences as simply that – differences.

It also allows you to expose your child to allistic norms in a way that doesn’t apply any pressure for them to mask. Demonstrating to them that just as you won’t judge them for wanting to wear the same style of shirt every day, it’s not okay for them to judge you for being “inconsistent” with your choice of clothing.

Sometimes this exposure will need to be a little more explicit for your autistic child to recognise it as a norm. For example, telling them that some people might find burping loudly rude, so if they’re concerned about people thinking they’re rude burping might be something to save for doing around people who know they’re not being rude when they do it. Or that if they do it, and are concerned about that judgement, they could say, “Excuse me”. 

In the end, you will find yourselves both fluent in each other’s culture, able to communicate in one “language” or the other, or a hybrid of both. You will find you are more able to engage with your child genuinely and authentically, and their peers. And that they in turn are more capable of being authentic whilst engaging appropriately and effectively with allistic people. You will both become interpreters and supporters of each other’s culture, and as such can both feel at home. Together.

So What is Autistic Culture?

Another time we will look at what autistic culture can look like, and the benefits of being part of the neuroaffirming autistic community, both as a neurodivergent person and as a parent and/or ally.

  1. Anyone who visits More Than Quirky regularly will know how firmly I believe the vast, vast majority of parents of neurodivergent children are neurodivergent themselves, even if they do not identify as such. Parents who accommodate their child’s autistic culture may well find that culture more appealing than “their own” and begin to question why this is the case… ↩︎

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