Happy Tail: The Magic of RRE

I’ve got a happy tail
I’ve got a happy tail
Happy tail, happy tail
I’ve got a happy tail.

– Tumpty, Tilly & Friends, CBeebies

When it comes to neurodivergent children’s negative reflexive behaviours, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is frequently mentioned. It is the dysphoric emotional (and sometimes physiological) response to rejection, real or perceived. This can include perceived criticism, ostracism, teasing, insults, interruption, and almost any other slight. The response generally is understood to be out of the control of the neurodivergent person once the dysphoria is triggered, however how they react to the sensation itself might be able to be modified over time. Similarly, how readily the RSD is triggered can also be changed using different strategies and therapies.

Many neurodivergent people experience RSD. In a perfect example of neurodivergence being diagnosed and treated using a deficit model, what isn’t spoken about nearly as often is a response that is even more common than RSD. RRE.

The Waggy Tail

Recognition Responsive Euphoria (RRE) is an increased likelihood to respond positively to encouragement, compliments, and recognition. It is also true that many neurodivergent people might react awkwardly to compliments, however this does not negate the impacts of RRE.

Think of it like the waggy tail a puppy will get for a simple “good dog!”, or when Mr Wolf in Bad Guys first understands the impact of doing something good.

A mild RRE experience will result in a feeling of positivity, and happiness. A more intense response will result in a full-blown euphoria.

Chasing the High

While some people believe that over-praising children can lead to a lack of intrinsic motivation, it is generally believed that the benefits of recognising and commending the efforts of neurodivergent children outweighs any detriment.

Ensure your child does not end up chasing your approval, however, by making sure your praise is:

• Appropriate in tone and volume for the difficulty of the task (for your child, not for children in general). For example, “Great work! That was fast!” when they put their shoes on unassisted, rather than “You did what?! You’re the most amazing kid in the entire universe!”
• Delivered primarily at the time, rather than having the achievement ignored as it occurs, and praised later. (Criticism or corrective feedback should be delivered with the opposite approach.)
• As consistent as possible. If you praise their effort at football each week, and then forget one week, this could have the opposite effect (RSD). However, this can be countered if your praise is…
• Sporadic and/or specific. Try to avoid complimenting the same thing every time, to avoid dependence. For example, instead of saying, “Amazing effort today,” after a music lesson, be specific with something like, “Amazing improvement on your scales today.” 
• Deliberate. Look for the good. Even a child who has just had a meltdown can be praised for not hurting anyone, for finding it possible to calm down, for finding their words. A child who has failed to finish an activity can be praised for giving it a shot. Kids who lose their temper and apologise, can be praised for saying sorry.

How Can I Help?

• Surround your child with positive, encouraging people. If there’s a choice between a sports coach known for enthusiasm, and another who pushes kids hard with correction and criticism, choose the former. If you have particular relatives or friends who tell your child how awesome they are, spend extra time with them. Avoid people known for negativity, pessimism, and cynicism.
• Advise teachers, etc, of the magic of RRE. Not only will this allow them to tap into the goodness and provide your child with a happily regulated system, it will improve the teacher’s experience too. They can help create a wonderful upwards spiral of positive feedback, positive feelings, and positive behaviour.
• While it’s very important you don’t encourage your child to become a fawner, arming them with the knowledge that doing good feels good, is a powerful tool for people who benefit from RRE. Feeling flat for no reason? Or even feeling bad because you made a mistake or did something wrong? Then do something good. Know you’ve done the right thing? RRE. Get positive feedback? Even better RRE. Get thanks and recognition? Massive RRE hit.
• Counter RSD with RRE. If your child does struggle with RSD, when you see it coming – or once the worst of the wave has passed, if you’re too late – find a way to induce RRE. Whether that’s praise for how they handled the RSD, or something entirely unrelated, giving them a boost will help them reach a comfortable place again.